Where did the month go?

No, really, where did the last month go? Not long after my previous post, I got what I heard the doctors call a “corncussion.” What’s a corncussion? It’s like shaken baby syndrome, but for grown-ups. I’ll tell you what, I’ve never envied a shaken baby any less than I do now. (Except for the shaking, I had always considered that to be a pretty decent gig.)

So… Yes, and no.

Yes, I got it from a fall in the bathtub. And no, I didn’t slip and fall while trying to put something up my, you know, butt. Why does everyone think this? (Ok, not everyone, just my mother.) Only one thing goes up my butt: thermometers. And sometimes I prefer oral thermometers, so it’s not even like thermometers are up there all the time.

It’s a health thing. You have to keep constant tabs on your temperature. Otherwise… who knows what could happen? That’s a mystery I’d rather not be the one to solve.

Who’s to say that the corncussion wasn’t heat-related? I don’t remember what happened, exactly, but it seems more than reasonable that I could have been taking an ice bath to compensate for an unexpected rise in my core temperature. Ice is, of course, the slipperiest element, and I probably stepped on a cube, took a tumble, and, viola, corncussion. If I had been monitoring my temperature more carefully, I probably wouldn’t have had to spend the last three weeks relearning which direction Mario is supposed to run. (To the right.)

On the plus side, while unconscious I had a wonderful dream about one huge rabbit with one huge eye (and one normal eye, but the big one was really the attention-getter.) The dream was thin on plot, but I think it could easily be fleshed out into a film, or at least one of those one-man plays.

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