Some quick thoughts to sizzle in your brain pans.

Open your minds, and let these hot idea pokers sear through.

Ok, number one: Dog food made with real bones. Dogs love bones, they eat dog food ... dog food made with real bones. The only real obstacle I can see is finding the right animal to harvest the bones from. Each bone should be small enough to be eaten in one bite, but they should also retain the classic bone shape. Horse bones: too big. Bird and turtle bones: too weird looking. What are my options? Small monkeys? Baby cows? Let's throw this one back to R&D.

Second, unplanned idea: R&D ... &D!! This is a Dungeons and Dragons joke! But what would R&D&D do? Probably research powerful new spells, and look at heterosexual pornography.

Third idea: the main motivation for me to ever have children would be to put them on the internet. Not, of course, in any illegal way, like footage of them gluing athletic shoes together in a hot, dimly lit factory. More like in a Kids Say The Darnd'st Things way. The point here is to get me rich. So they would act out the plots from early 90s action movies, or, like, fight each other. Sort of like Baby Fights (see below), except it'd be more along the lines of Baby Fights 2: Toddlers With Hammers. They probably wouldn't get hammers, though, now that I think of it. You don't arm the people you're exploiting. Rookie mistake. If I wanted a machete lodged somewhere in my body, I'd go ice skating in a frozen, flooded machete factory.

Idea four: Frozen, flooded machete factories probably aren't even a real thing.

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