Just a quick fantasy
If I were a video game character, I'd have to be Mario's tall brother! Everyone always thought he was gay too!
But ... Was he, though? Those Nintendo graphics were so primitive, you could barely tell if the characters were gay or not. Either way, the comparison holds. Especially if we're talking about Mario 2. Remember how Mario's brother would kick his legs back and forth when he jumped? I do that too! I do it when I jump, in the bath tub, and whenever I sit in a chair that's just a little to tall.
Or ... if I weren't Mario's brother, I'd probably be Kid Icarus. Not because of the wings, obviously, but because of all that trouble with the bow and arrows a couple years ago. Can you spell "bullshit"? 'Cause I can. It's spelled like this: since when is it a felony to sink some arrows into the trees of an assisted living campus if you don't actually hit any seniors? Robin Hood did the same damn thing, but he's called a hero, while me and Kid Ic are considered hazards to society.
I'm not complaining, I guess, I just think it's funny.
Words: video games