A new look, for an old man.

I thought it was about time to shape things up on my myspace page. Everyone here has got naked pictures, and loud music, and crazy bullshit like that, and I hate to be left behind. I won't be left behind.
My simple knowledge of computers and programing turns out to be an ideal match with my taste for simple, bold design, which you can see. I opted, as I expect many of you guessed I would, for a pleasant "summer forest" motif. The theme could also accurately be termed "Elven Ranger," "Fairy Grove," or "Gay Woodsman."

In other news, it turns out that I don't need to get an artifial heart after all. Whew! What a relief. They were all out of ape hearts, so I was put on the short waiting list for a pig heart. Noble animals, I'm sure, but I doubt I'd get any sort of super powers from a damn pig heart. And it's nothing that would impress the ladies - I was all set to tell people that it was a lion heart, or a small lion heart. Plus, I hear that, once you have a pig heart, you have to give up eating pork, or the heart will force your body to reject it - out your mouth! Now, I know pork is what got me into this situation in the first place, but I was not about to give it up. Who starts their day without a bacon ham hamwich (the "Hogzilla")? Right. I didn't see any hands go up.
Anyhow, it's a moot point; turns out the whole thing was the result of a botched self-diagnosis. What I thought was heartburn was actually a burst battery in a LED Harry Potter pin I've been wearing. Also, if you can believe it, it turns out that "heartburn" has nothing to do with your heart being on fire, and is rarely fatal (as one would naturally expect, should your heart actualy catch fire).
Western Medicine, you and I have finally reached a fork in the road. Be sure to write.

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