Ganymede: The Story of Ganymede

Can you believe that that title isn’t a movie yet? It’s gonna be, though, because I just thought of it, and I need some money.

I haven’t decided exactly what it’s going to be about, though. I guess there was some prince a million years ago who was named Ganymede. He was either Greek or bisexual, but not both. If I remember correctly, it was sort of a Classic “Incredible Journey” tale—his father, who was not Greek, abandoned a golden retriever, a Persian cat, and a 28-year-old Ganymede beside the road somewhere in the Rhodope Mountains. The retriever became separated from the rest and was lost almost immediately, and the cat was accused of witchcraft by some villagers (and was very likely killed, if not actually killed and eaten… Greece, you know?), but Ganymede made it back to Troy within the week. I think he met Hercules at some point.

The other option, of course, is to tell the story of he original Ganymede, the largest moon of Jupiter. It doesn’t have any resident aliens, unless they’re invisible, but legend has it that just below the surface the planet may be made of solid gold. So I’m inclined to go this route, and just have the movie be Ganymede (the moon): The Story of Ganymede (the moon). I don’t see any characters entering the story, though, which may be difficult for people to deal with. I suppose Ganymede (the lost boy) could show up at some point. I’d probably kill him off pretty quick. (No one likes a glory hog.) Maybe he could fall into a steep crater and hit his head on a rock. And as he slides down the crater wall, his path reveals the tantalizing, buttery gleam of gold…

Mid-blog interlude!
I finally got to feel what it’s like to be hit by an exploding airbag yesterday! It was okay. You can only use them once, though, before they have to be replaced. If I had known that was the case, I would have planned my evening totally differently, and maybe saved the airbags for a party or something.
Interlude over!

So, remember yesterday’s entry? I bet you do. Unless you found this entry on Google, while searching for “Ganymede: The Story of Ganymede.” In that case, you’ll just have to scroll down, or something.

Anyway, some of you remember that I posted that awesome drawing of Africa with a big butt crack. Again, it was created for one of my other jobs, but I retain rights to all my art, and so I didn’t see any problem posting it here as well. Little did I expect that the problems would come from my job, not my personal internet diary. It just so happens that I’ve been working with at least one cheesedick, possibly more. Said cheesedick(s?) saw my art, and became insanely jealous. That, or they have some personal attachment to the continent of Africa, and refuse to admit that it could possibly have a butt.

That’s stupid, you know. All continents have butts. Or at least cloacae. (Australia is the exception, and with no outlet for its waste, it has simply adapted so that it can repeatedly consume its own effluvia.) Africa is one of the few continents lucky enough to have both a vent for liquid waste (the Congo River) and what can more accurately be called a “butt.” (I’m referring to the Nile, of course, because it occasionally goes both ways.) North America, on the other hand, only has the Mississippi cloacal vent and that massive gall bladder, the Hudson Bay. Bleh. I’m throwing up a little bit. At any rate, these misguided sidewinder missiles at my work attempted to get me fired over it. It didn’t work out, though, which was fortunate. For them. Because, if it had worked out, I would have attempted to kidnap their pets. And my attempts never fail. Don’t believe me? Call up the humane society, and ask them what percentage of the animals I turn in are glued to other animals. (I’ll just tell you: one hundred percent.)

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