An Enemy of God

Now, as some of you no doubt already know, Sundays are my "Thinking Days." Today was (is) Sunday, so, naturally, when 11:45 came along, I got out of the tub and put on my Thinking Cap. I used to wear the Thinking Cap in the tub, but I found that the color tended to bleed a little when it got wet, and the small benefits putting the cap on early provided just weren't worth it.

I began today's session, as I often do, by thinking about my enemies. They are many, and they are ruthless. Like fire ants, or killer bees. Also like fire ants and killer bees, they are easily managed with poison.

When I run into my enemies, or when they run into me (which of us is the hunter, and which the hunted can be difficult to distinguish), I usually react in one of three ways: A) I embrace them warmly, so as to put them off their guard
 (this frequently allows me the opportunity to sprinkle or inject them with any number of potions as well); B) I threaten them with fire and personal injury; or 3) I say this: "You make an enemy of God, you make an enemy of me..." I have always been very satisfied with this line. I think it leaves my enemies wondering what they did to offend God, thereby removing focus from me. Also, a large part of some of our more successful foriegn policies have been based on this idea, and I have always considered myself a patriot.

Today, however, under the Thinking Cap, I began to question the whole idea of option 3. The more I considered it, the more likely it seemed that I was as wrong as can be -- that the more accurate and frightening line is perhaps, "You make an enemy of me, you make an enemy of God..."

First of all, this statement is more than likely true, and while it doesn't distract from the original conflict between me and the enemy, the offending party will be left, well, paralyzed with dread at the thought of an angry God. Having God back you up is like having Andre the Giant, or Zeus, as a big brother. Plus, if anything really bad ever did happen to one of my enemies, like getting food poisoning, or struck by lightening, the rest of them would always be wondering if it was God that did it, and what he might have up his sleeve for the next one. Probably a flood.

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