Sorry about, you know...

I know that a lot of you live, breath, and set your clocks to The Chesterton review, and I have to apologize for my tardiness of late.

The whole OFD thing makes focusing on the computer screen difficult, if not impossible, and, what's more, I have had two additional projects monopolizing my time lately:
1)The Frisky Science Monitor - I recently hired myself - that is to say, my alter ego, Frisky Chesterton - to write quasi-science related online diaries. So far I have debunked some myths about evolution (I don't know about you, but I'm not literally realted to any monkeys, at least that I know of), and put to rest the age old "nature versus nurture" debate. The answer: "narture."
2) Abusing myself in the shower - I don't want to get into it, but the whole thing takes time. What whole thing? Well, I'll say this: it's not fun.

Your Prize, Dear Reader

Well, I am, if nothing else, a man of my word.
Mice have been clicked exactly 1001 times on the Chesterton Review, and, as promised, I have a prize for the 1000th clicker. You know who you are.
Everyone else, please do not view the rest of this entry. It's not for you.












































No.































































But, you, my 1000th friend, you receive the great pleasure and privilege of a sneak peak at my upcoming photo exhibition, "The New Gods."
Sure, it's only a few pictures, but I think it gives a general impression of things to come. The subject of these photos, is, of course, Frisky Chesterton, the New God himself.

"Ride of The New God"





"Soup of The New God"




and, finally, "The Gods at War" (Frisky not pictured)

A momentous occasion!

I forgot to mention - The Chesterton Review has now had 943 total views. Granted, some of those are probably government snoops, and some were probably just accidents, but I think a celebration will be called for all the same upon the arrival of the 1000th click. I have decided that the 1000th viewer, or "Mr. 3000," will receive a prize. A valuable prize.

If you think you are number 1000, let me know.

What Dreams May Come

Nobody ever thinks they will get payed to do what they really love (except prostitutes). But, now, against all experience and reason, it looks like that dream will soon be coming true for me (but I'm not becoming a prostitute)!
The application process isn't finished yet, but I am well on my way to becoming a regular, payed OFD!!!

An explanation probably isn't necessary for most of you, but I suppose there might be a few people out there who haven't ever put the term "OFD" together with the actual profession, so...
I first heard about this opportunity in Ocular Fluid Donation from a rad MySpace friend of mine (I've never met her in "real life," but her name is Jezzica, she's from Poland, or Russia, or something, and she is SO hot). She told me that you can actually get PAID to donate your ocular fluid (or "eyeball juice"). I know, it sounds too good to be true, but I've been checking it out, and it seems legit.
Last week I went into one of the local OF banks and did a trial donation. They said they still had to run some tests on my eyeball juices, but my technician pulled me aside and said that he thought I was just about the perfect candidate for regular donation. So I am psyched! I mean, it's so easy - you just go in, check out a pair of needle-goggles, and sit down for the quick (if moderately painful) procedure, and you get like, almost twenty bucks! And you can do it once a week!
The temporarily blurry vision and squishy eyeballs will take some getting used to, but I think I can manage to get used to the $18.00 pretty quick : )

What a career! I'll get paid for doing something I'm naturally good at, and I'll be helping people! And I'll be joining the already impressive ranks of OFD's:

Seal!


Ann Coulter!


This Girl!


And This Guy!


And remember, it's all to help people. People like this guy.

The moment you've all been waiting for...

With the fall of 2008 rapidly approaching, the question on everyone's mind is becoming increasingly obvious: Who will Dandy Chesterton back for the presidential election?

Well, wonder no longer, because the verdict is in. This man WILL be the next president of the United States of America:



That's right, all, Perot is back! He's got spirit, he's got ideas, and, most of all, he's got hunger! Hunger for the blood of Washington fatcats, and hunger for food (I imagine -- I'm sure financing two failed campaigns puts quite a strain on the old pocketbook).
Now, I'm sure most of you are wondering, "But, Dandy, why little Perot? Isn't he crazy?"
To this I say, "Yes, he is." But foxes are crazy too, or so I hear, and wouldn't we all like to have a fox for president? Of course we would! The world would be our henhouse. Also, to the best of my knowledge, Ross Perot is a Texan, and being a Texan is the next best thing to being from Heaven (That is to say, being an angel. Or Jesus). If I could have the men of the Alamo make up the cabinet, well... you know I would.

Not Daniel Boone, though -- I heard that he was a sodomist. Not that there's anything wrong with that, I just don't think there's a place for sodomy in Perot's White House.

So what about Vice President? I think the answer is obvious:


Most people don't know this, but Larry Bird is a supreme court judge in New Mexico, and he invented crime-fighting. Plus, the man can play some good ball.
I know that Perot tried having a former athlete as a running mate last time, and it didn't work out, but that man was a football player, and he had downs syndrome.


One item that still requires scrutiny: Is Ross Perot still alive?
I haven't heard much from him in the last decade or so, and my sources can't confirm or disprove his vitality. I think it would be important that he's alive for his presidency.


So, if Perot is dead (or not alive), I'll need a replacement. Here are a few possible candidates:

A wizard, Stephen Hawking


A warrior, Russell Crowe


Or, a Lost Prince, Terry Perot


However it turns out, things are looking good for our country in 08!!!