Let's try again: Signed, Sealed, Delivered!

Seal is an interesting guy!

I was searching for him on Yahoo yesterday to make sure I had been spelling his name right—my neighbor had left a note on my window saying that it's actually spelled "Seélle," but my neighbor has been proven time and time again to be a goddamn idiot, so I shouldn't have wasted my time—and I found all sorts of interesting stuff on the Man from Lupus.

Get this: In early 1994, Seal was arrested for punching open the window of an elementary school classroom and, in the middle of Math, sticking his head through the hole and screaming at the 3rd graders inside. He was eventually charged with something like First Degree Upsetting Little Babies, but the slippery ol' pinniped skipped bail and went on the lam.

Even though he hadn't yet been given any sort of prison uniform (having not been convicted of anything), Seal burned his clothing (later explaining that he was sure someone would recognize him if he kept it on), and holed up, naked as a piglet, in a derelict lighthouse.

He spent the next 18 days eating mold and being eaten by vampire bats.

When Seal emerged he was more than 50 pounds lighter, and, according to him, "not even the same fellow who hallooed at those children, so don't even try, yeah?"

Sent to the lighthouse to collect the jewelry that Seal had eaten and passed during his stay there, producer Trevor Horn discovered, scratched into the wall, a single line of lyrics running the entire length of the tower's spiral staircase. Horn copied the lyrics into a notebook, and when he presented the pages to Seal (along with a sandwich bag of filthy rings and bracelets), the artist explained that it was meant to be an epic poem about being consumed by the vampire bats. The title and refrain "kiss from a rose" referred to the flower-like folds of flesh on the bats' noses. (Seal never did say what "the gray" meant, as in "a kiss from a rose on the gray," but in ensuing months he often would mention "a pain in [his] gray.")

It's either a tremendous coincidence or no coincidence at all that "Kiss from a Rose" was later featured on the soundtrack of Batman Forever. Seal, you'll be my batman forever.

What a world!!